What Is My Stress Dictionary?

Manage Stress by Understanding your Stress Dictionary!

The very word 'stress' induces more stress... If I say I am stressed, I get a lot of answers from friends and family...

"Oh, just think positive and your problems will go away." Really???

"Don't think about your problems. That only makes them worse."

"Relax, things will get better on their own." ... but how do I relax???

"Practice visualizing what you want. " Now another thing to do!!!

What is stress? When we feel our life is out of control and we do not have a solution to the problems we face, we experience stress. There is a way to manage stress on our own. That is what the below technique talks about. It takes a little effort and thought but it is very effective.

To cope with stress we need to first understand our stressful thoughts and assumptions. We all have a stress dictionary and we need to be aware of it. Psychologist Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck have done years of research and have identified our stressful thoughts as follows.....As you go through this list, you can figure out how many times thinking along the below lines have made us stressful.

MY STRESS DICTIONARY

ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING

All or nothing thinking involves unrealistically dividing our world into rigid black and white, not leaving room for alternatives of shades of gray.

AWFULIZING

One good way to create needless stress is to exaggerate the significance of negative events. Sure life is filled with frustrations, irritations and disappointments. However we awfulize when we turn a simple disappointment into a disaster.

BLAMING

Blaming involves arbitrarily and unthinkingly throwing the responsibility for life's misfortunes onto some external source, person or circumstances.

CHILDHOOD FANTASY

Childhood is a special time in life when our needs are taken care of by others and we can expect to be loved and protected by nearly everyone around us. Unfortunately, the adult world is a bit more harsh. Love, success and happy endings are not guaranteed. Adults who continue to live in a world of childhood dreams are setting themselves for frustration and disappointment.

EGO-CENTRISM

To think of yourself as the centre of the world. It is to behave as if you have some special status, or rights and privileges above what others have.

FORTUNE TELLING

Few people can tell the future, yet we engage in fortune-telling as if we know just how things will turn out.

HELPLESS THINKING

Complete giving up. Ignoring the resources. Helpless thinking.

LEAPING TO CONCLUSION

Making up your mind about something in the absence of relevant evidence or on the basis of incomplete, inappropriate or purely emotional evidence.

MINIMIZING

Discounting the significance of a stressful situation. Undervalue the importance of personal feelings or the potential cost of an event to oneself and others.

MUST-URBATIONS

These are the 'Must', 'Shoulds', 'Oughts', 'have to' and so on. This happens when we turn our wishes and desires into absolute necessities. Few things are absolutely necessary in our lives and some would be nice and desirable. Confusing the two creates stress

MIND READING

Many of us create needless stress by pretending we are mind readers. We often assume we know the motives, reasons, emotions of others, even in the absence of clear evidence. Better to leave such mind reading to sorcerers.

PERSONALIZING

Needlessly blaming oneself and viewing unrelated events as personal attacks.

You might be thinking, many of these forms of stress-enhancing thoughts are overlapping. The reason they overlap is because they share 2 basic characteristics. You will all agree with me that these stressful thoughts are irrational and are self-defeating. It does not contribute to self-worth or health or cannot be seen as a useful approach to problem-solving or defense. Yet we indulge in them.

Now to make this concept clear, let's get involved in a exercise and see where we can categorize these below thoughts. There is no right or wrong answer. Answers are below ...

Example 1 : Did not get the expected promotion at the job.

Stressful Thought Line: "My whole career is ruined. I cannot get anywhere in my life."

Improved Thought Line: " Yes it is a disappointment. I am irritated and frustrated, I got passed for the promotion. I just have to try harder next time.

Example 2 : Your Child getting low grades this semester.

Stressful Thought Line: "This is bad... he will not get into any college."

Improved Thought Line: "I know he has done badly this semester. But this is not the end of all. Let me see where I can support him to help him do better in the next semester. "

Example 3 : "The maid is leaving and have to find a replacement. "

Stressful Thought Line: "I will never be able to find someone suitable. "

Improved Thought Line: Even though it might be a big inconvenience, I probably will find someone suitable to my house needs.

Answers: All-or-nothing thinking, Awfulizing, Helpless thinking

Example 4: You failed in an exam. You had obviously not prepared well.

Stressful Thought Line: "That lousy teacher. Always asking the worst questions just to trick us."

Improved Thought Line: "I did badly. Was it tough? Did I study wrongly? Need to speak to my teacher. "

Answers: Blaming

Example 5: Hosted an exhibition of my handicrafts. Everyone appreciated . Two guests left without commenting and did not give a great feedback.

Stressful Thought Line: "Everyone should appreciate the work I am doing."

Improved Thought Line: " My work can't be appreciated by everyone. Some may like, and some dislike what I do. That's life. "

Example 6: Aspiring for a job promotion.

Stressful Thought Line: "I must get the promotion. Otherwise I am not capable. "

Improved Thought line: "It will be nice to have the promotion. I will try hard. But it is not the end of the world. "

Answers: Childhood Fantasy, Must-urbation

Example 7: Getting late for work. The person in front is driving slowly.

Stressful Thought Line: "I have important things to do. Move aside. "

Improved Thought Line: " I hope he moves aside. If not I'll just pass him at the first opportunity."

Answers: Egocentrism

Example 8: Neighbours making lots of noise and putting up with it.

Stressful Thought Line: I have to put up with this noise as I have no choice.

Improved Thought Line: Yes, they are my neighbours and nice people. But I have to let them know about the noise they are making. I will let them know politely and hope they will understand.

Answers: Minimizing

Example 9: Friend behaving differently lately

Stressful Thought Line: I think she is angry with me. That is why she is not talking to me properly.

Improved Thought Line: Yes I notice that she is avoiding me. May be she is going through some personal issues. Let me check with her.

Answers: Mindreading, personalizing, leaping to conclusions

After having to identify these thoughts now the most important thing... How to cope with these thoughts?

5 questions to ask yourself.

Q 1. What are your thoughts or assumption(My thought lines? )You can write it down. Which one is the most important? From a scale of 0-10 where 10 is the highest truth, how true is the thought. It is natural to be high on the scale at this point.

Q2. Label the stressful thoughts you are thinking? (Any of the 12 categories, could be more than one category...)

Q3. How is your thinking irrational or self-defeating? (here is where you will start doubting your Stressful thoughts)

Q4. Substitute with counter thoughts. Your improved thought lines.

Q5. Now reconsider your stressful thought assumptions. In the light of questions 2-4, where does your rating seem now?( If it does not come down, answer questions 2-4 again. )

You can start practicing these 5 steps by writing down your stressful thought lines and an improved thought line and going over the five steps in the order. With practise, you will be able to mentally apply this technique in any situation. Believe me you can manage your own stress and don't need to see a counselor-:)

HAPPY STRESS MANAGEMENT!!!